Loss

I wish that life was easier in some ways. Or I guess I wish relationships were easier. It seems that all around me, people are breaking up: friends, lovers, family. What is worse: when someone leaves you because of death, and you know you’ll never see them again, or when someone leaves you because they no longer want to be with you, but you know they are well and one day you may see them again? I think there are worse things than death. I think it hurts less if you know someone has to leave you, opposed to knowing that they no longer want you. On the other hand, it is a small comfort that you could see someone you care about again, even if you know that it’s highly unlikely or that it would be better to never see that person again.

I wish that people could just be satisfied with those that care about them and who are currently with them. But there is something perverse in human nature that makes us want something we cannot have. I wonder why we miss and care so much for those who are so wrong for us or who can no longer be with us. Maybe my friends and I are just too young and restless. In the end, I know we’ll all be fine. But in the meantime, I wish we could stop yearning for those who are no longer with us, and just be happy.

The Sexy Voice

I was listening to the radio on the drive home, and this girl with a really sexy voice came on. She made me think of luscious lips, long hair, big eyes, and full firm breasts. I was thinking, “wow I wish I had a voice like that.” But then the DJ mentioned she was waif-like. OK there went my voluptuous image, but she still sounded sexy. And she was still pretty from the way the DJ was reacting to her.

I really don’t think I’ve ever noticed such an incredibly sexy voice before. I mean maybe I’ve heard some on TV, but I tend to be distracted by the visual images and don’t notice the audio effects as much. And I don't plan on calling 1-900 numbers trying to find one.

Anyway, it’s amazing sometimes…the expectations people have based on the way others sound. There was this one woman at work who we all expected, from her phone voice, to be young, blond, and thin. When we all saw her photo, we were like “woooah….” Yeah, in other words, speechless. She was older, heavy boned, with really short brown hair. But she still had a cool, cheerful phone voice.

I think a great talking voice is awesome, because it really makes people want to listen. Unfortunately it's something you’d need to be born with. As it is, I think my voice is child-like and is only good for an impersonation of Aqua singing Barbie Girl. Ah well….that’s life.


5/18 - P.S. I just got a phone call and the woman asked to talk to my 'mommy." Great.

Movie Jitters

Everyone has told me that going to a movie on a first date is not a good idea. The reason was because you’ll be wasting 2 hours staring silently at a screen and not getting to know each other. And never in my life, have I ever thought there could be anything illicit about going out for a dinner and a movie.

However about a month ago, I had a bad date, where Mr. Wandering Hands took me to see a movie. Now when a guy suggests a movie during the first date, my gut reaction is to say, “Yeah, why don’t we get to know each other first before we see a movie together.” Of course I don’t say that out loud and sound freakishly prudish. I mean movie theaters are supposed to be places of normality, where things are R-rated at most. It’s not like the guy asked me if I wanted to watch porn…

I wonder if the real reason for not going to movies on a first date is because you don’t know the person, and you really don’t want to be forced to endure 2 hours being near a person who you don’t like. Well even if it’s not the real reason, it certainly has become mine. Now for me it’s like “Good girls don’t kiss (or go to movies) on first dates.” I must admit though, paranoia really isn’t a good trait to develop….

Dirty Shots

I don’t know why but the only girly shots that I know of are full of sexual innuendo. I’m not really into hard liquor like vodka, so I always need something with irish cream, frangelico, or kalua. But I just realized how bad the conversation sounds when I bring one up. For example...

Bartender: So what can I get you?
Me: Can I have an Orgasm?
Bartender: *smiles* Give me some time and I can give you one.
Me: *confused* you do know what goes into an Orgasm right?
Bartender: Actually I don’t.
Me: I wish I could tell you, people just give them to me. Something with Irish Cream?
Bartender: I really don’t know.
Me: Maybe it’s a NY thing. My ex didn’t know what an Orgasm was either….

Or what about, just a conversation with a friend about a Blow Job.

[I didn’t learn about these until this past year, so in case you don’t know...It’s a shot of Irish cream with whip cream piled up on it. To drink it, you put you hands behind your back and pick up the shot glass up with your mouth and chug it.]

Me: You know I just saw a girl do a Blow Job. I’ve never seen it done before.
Friend: I’ve done them before.
Me: Really? I think it would be rather difficult. I mean how do you fit your mouth around the glass?
Friend: Just open your mouth wide enough.
Me: Wouldn’t you choke trying to swallow? I mean that’s an awful lot of liquid coming down your throat.
Friend: You just have to learn to hold your throat open.

….I still haven’t tried a blow job, so I have no clue what “holding your throat open” means. I guess these really are girly drinks. I can’t imagine a guy trying order these, unless it was on the behalf of a girl. Plus when I ask for orgasms from girl bartenders, they know exactly what I want and I never have any problems getting one.

Oh! Canada...

So the original plan was to go clubbing all night in Toronto and right after drive 10 hours back to NYC. Thank god it didn’t happen and we just stayed in a hotel during the night. I mean yes I did write a lot of good-bye letter and good-bye phone calls before I left on this Toronto road trip, but it doesn’t mean I want to die. ...

A couple weeks ago, I went with some friends on this Toronto road trip. It was awesome we stopped one night in Niagara Falls and two nights in Toronto. Plus my concerns about the longevity of my life was assuaged at the beginning of the trip, when it was decided we should just stay an extra night in the hotel. If you ever get the chance to go to Niagara Falls, you have to stay for night time, when the falls are lit up. I could stare at it forever, it's really beautiful. Also there are always the shows, buffets, and the casino, where I promptly lost my $5 in slots. In Toronto, it was raining, so we resorted to the indoor shopping and eating excursions. I actually was able to see most of my family in Toronto. We made a brief detour so I could pick up a gift from my aunt. Apparently one of my cousins was having a B-day party, and all my other aunts, except one, were recruited into supervising. The house was like a scene out of “Cheaper by the Dozen.” There were only 10 kids there, but it seemed like thirty. They were all running around the house yelling. I was pretty dazed. We didn’t make it past the foyer, as I tried to stay out of the way of speeding objects. I think my friends were afraid we’d had to go in and sit down and talk, in the middle of the chaos, but I made my excuses and we left after the perfunctory greetings and small talk. It’s hard to remember what a big family I have, since I was raised pretty far away from them.

The road trip was fun, lot of joking around, and boy vs girl arguments. I would love to do another road trip, just maybe someplace closer next time.